Although the thought of engaging in small talk often causes anxiety for native and non-native speakers alike, small talk is meant to ease the tension that we may feel during casual encounters and conversations with new acquaintances, neighbors, colleagues, or even long-time friends.

The goal of small talk is to create a safe space where the topics are simple (although even downright mundane at times) and easily discussed. The somewhat superficial but polite and friendly nature of small talk means that there’s very little chance anyone will be offended or upset by what is discussed.

Knowing the rules of small talk is crucial but not difficult, and anyone can master the basics by remembering just a few different ways to keep the conversation going and maintaining the appropriate tone. For example, conversations in formal situations are generally more polite than in casual situations, and conversations in social situations are generally warmer and more familiar than in professional situations.

(Even native speakers have their own “catalogs” of phrases they pull out whenever the need for small talk arises.)

Greetings

Introducing yourself

• Hi, I’m Jessie – nice to meet you.
  • It’s nice to meet you too. I’m Sam. How are you today?
    • I’m great, how are you?
      • Good, thanks.
• Hey, I’m Jessie – how are you?
  • Hi, I’m Sam. I’m doing well! How are you?
    • Great! 
• Hi, it’s great to meet you, John. I’m Jessie. You work in legal, right?
  • Oh, hello Jessie. Nice to meet you in person! Yes, that’s right. I’ve been working on your new client contract. It looks like a very interesting company.
    • I think so, too. I am excited to get started on their projects.

Greeting someone you know

• Hey John! It’s good to see you (again). What are you up to today?
  • Hey, good to see you too! I’m headed to the library. What about you?
• Hey! How’s it going?
  • Oh, hi! Great! You?
• How are you doing?
  • I’m doing well, thanks. How are you?
• Hey, John, what are you up to?
  • Not much! How about you?
• How have you been?
  • I’ve been great. And you?
• Hi John, it’s Jessie. We met at the client luncheon last month. How have you been?
  • Hi Jessie. It’s great to see you again. I’ve been great. Now about you?
• I hope your week is going well so far.
  • Can’t complain! How’s your week been?
• How is your week going so far?
  • So far, so good. And yours?
• I am glad to finally talk to you in person.
  • Yes, it’s great to put a face with a name.

Asking open-ended questions

Asking open-ended questions is a great way to get to know people better and deepen a conversation after greetings and more basic discussion.

General conversation

• How was your day/morning/afternoon?
  • Not bad! How about yours?
• How has your day been?
• How was your week?
  • It was great. How was yours?
• How was your weekend?
  • Fine, it was relaxing. Did you do anything fun?

In a social setting

• So, what do you do (for work)? / What field are you in?
  • I am a cardiologist, but I am currently launching a medical device startup with a colleague. How about you?
• Are you originally from [New York/London/the area]?
  • Yes, born and raised! And you?
    • I grew up in California, but I’ve been here for about ten years.
      • Oh, do you like it here?
        • Yes, it’s a wonderful place to live and for raising our son.
• So, how did you two meet? (directed to a couple/married couple)
  • We met in college, but didn’t start dating until we ended up at the same company. How did you meet your husband?
• I saw you last week at the yoga studio. Do you practice often?
  • As often as I can. And you too?
    • Yes, I try to get to the studio at least once a week.
      • Oh, great. Well, let me know next time you are going and maybe we can do a class together.

In a professional setting

• How long have you been with (the company/company name)?
  • About 5 years. You came onboard in June, right? How are you enjoying it so far?
• How did you become [a financial advisor/an attorney/an accountant/etc.]? / So, what interested you in [finance/law/data analysis/etc.]? / Did you always want to pursue (your field/research/marketing/etc…)?
  • Well, my family actually owns a restaurant, and I found that I naturally gravitated toward accounting. I began helping them with the books and found I had a knack for it. How about you? How did you become a biologist?
    • I actually became obsessed with Jane Goodall when I was ten and I guess I never looked back!
• Do you enjoy working with (someone else from their department)? He/She is always so nice and helpful to me.
  • Yes, I am so lucky to have him on my team. He’s wonderful, isn’t he?
    • Absolutely. You’re lucky to have such a capable colleague!
• Have you done anything fun this summer?
  • We actually spent last week in Charleston.
    • That sounds like fun! I have never been there, but I’ve heard it’s incredible.
      • It’s an amazing place, and there’s so much interesting history to explore. I highly recommend a visit.
• Do you have any vacation plans this summer?
  • We are planning to spend a week in the Florida Keys toward the end of the summer. My son loves snorkeling. What about you!
    • Oh, I love the Keys! I hope you have fun. We’re actually heading in the opposite direction next week. We are going to spend a long weekend in New York City.

If the other person is from out-of-town

• What brought you to (this area/city)? (i.e. Why did you move here?)
• Do you like living in (this area/city)?
• Is it very different from where you grew up/where you used to live?
• Is all of your family still back in your hometown?

If you are from out-of-town

• How long have you lived here?
• I’m really enjoying (the city/the area/Tokyo/Manhattan/etc…). Do you like living here?
• Can you recommend a good (restaurant/grocery store/dry cleaner/galleries/etc…)?
• What a cool city. I am excited to look around. Are there any good places for sightseeing?

Asking about personal plans

• Have you done anything fun this summer?
• Do you have any vacation plans this summer?
• Did you have a good weekend?
• Do you have anything fun planned this weekend?
• I saw that (a musician is playing/a movie is premiering/etc…) this weekend. You told me you’re a fan right? Are you going to the (show/premier/etc…)?
• I heard you are organizing an event for the Arts Council at the City Gallery next month. The Council does such great work! What is the focus of your project?

Asking for clarification

• I’m sorry, I’m not sure that I understand.
• I’m sorry, I’m not sure (that) I know what you mean.
• I’m sorry, I don’t quite follow you.
• I didn’t quite hear you, sorry. (if too quiet)
• Sorry, I didn’t catch that last bit.  (if too quiet)

Followed by…

• Could you say it again, please?
• Could you rephrase that?
• Could you say that another way?
• Could you be more specific?
• Could you elaborate?
• Can you give me an example?
• Would you mind spelling that for me, please?
• Could you tell me what you mean by ___?
• When you say ___, do you mean___?
  • Example: When you say “startup,” do you mean a new company in its early stages?

Followed by…

• Ahh, I see. Thanks for your help!
• Oh, okay, I get it now. Thank you for explaining.
• Oh, that’s a great example. Thank you, I understand now.
• Okay, I think I see what you mean. Thanks!

Asking for help or information

• Could you tell me where I can find (the coffee machine/Angie’s office/the supply cabinet/etc…)?
• Would you mind sitting down with me for a few minutes sometime and showing me how to use (the scheduling software/Slack/Asana/etc…)?
• Could you tell me a bit about (the work schedule/the team structure/the project timeline)?
• Do/Would you happen to know (when/where/how/what/etc…)?

Offering help

• Can I help in any way?
• Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help!
• Feel free to (shoot me an email/text me/give me a ring) if you ever need a hand (with (a task)).
• I am happy to lend a hand with that.
• Is there anything I can do to help (with that)?
• Would you like me to (show you around the office/introduce you to (someone)/grab you a cup of coffee/etc…)?
• Hey, I am on my way to (the grocery store/the breakroom/the accounting dept/see (someone)/etc…). Do you want me to (bring you back (something)/check on (something) while I am there/etc…)?

Thanking others

• Thank you so much for your help with…, I really appreciate it.
• Thanks for your recommendation last week! The restaurant was great.
• Hey, I just want to thank you for always helping me out. It really means a lot to me.

Being thanked by others

In virtually any situation, a simple “you’re welcome” is a perfectly acceptable response when others express gratitude to you. In general, you can reply with “you’re welcome,” and/or perhaps another short phrase to emphasize your willingness and happiness to have been of assistance. For example:

Conversationally/Socially:

• Of course! 
• Anytime!
• No problem!
• You’re welcome. It’s no problem at all.

Formally/Professionally:

• You’re quite welcome. Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do.
• You’re most welcome. I’m happy to help/assist.
• You’re absolutely welcome. It’s my pleasure.
• My pleasure.
• Think nothing of it.

Discussing office events

• It looks like they are renovating the third floor. Do you know what they plan to do with the space?
• I saw that they’re shuffling some offices around. Do you know if they’re going to relocate our team?
• I can’t believe Charles is retiring. It won’t be the same here without him. Have you worked with him much?
• Have you met the new VP yet? He seems really nice and very experienced. I think he has a lot to offer the company.
• I am looking forward to the office Christmas party. Last year’s party was excellent. Did you go?
• By the way, if you didn’t already see the email, they are repaving the South (parking) lot again, so I guess we will all have to park in the East lot for a while.

Offering invitations

• I was thinking of checking out that antique shop on the corner of Oak and Main during my lunch break. Do you want to join me? 
• Would you like to meet at Coffee Underground tomorrow morning and touch base about the project before the 8 a.m all hands meeting?
• Have you been to the new Thai place over on 5th yet? Do you want to check it out with me after work?
• I heard you’re a fan of (a musical artist). I am going to their concert in Charlotte next weekend. You should come!

Common topics

Current location

The office

• This is a really great office space. I love the open design./I wonder who chose the color scheme.
• Did you see the bakery opening up across the street? That is going to be dangerous on my lunch breaks. (humorous)

Someone’s home

• You have a beautiful home. I see you have a lot of art/pottery/stained glass/books. Are you a collector?
• I love your decor. Did you (and your husband/wife) decorate, or did you hire someone?
• The table in your entryway is absolutely gorgeous. Is it Italian?

A restaurant, bar, venue

• Have you been here before? What do you recommend?
• I have been wanting to try this place.
• I love this restaurant. Their grilled salmon is amazing.
• The menu sounds great. I can’t decide between the duck and the falafel
• Wow, this place has a beautiful view.
• Do you like Indian food?
• Do you eat here often?
• Would you like to go to that restaurant again?

Movies, TV, plays

• Everyone kept recommending Downton Abbey, so I finally started watching it – I’m completely hooked!
• Have you seen any good movies or shows lately?
• There are several great plays coming to the (theater name) on 2nd Street this fall. It looks like a really cool place. Have you been there for any shows?
• Are you watching (a series)? Did you catch the last episode?

Art

• Did you see that little gallery that just opened downtown? The paintings in the windows are beautiful. I can’t wait to stop by.
• Have you seen the new exhibit at the art museum? What did you think of it? I was thinking of stopping by the museum after work.
• That sculpture is incredible. I would love to take classes someday. Do you do any art?
• I saw that (a musician is playing/a movie is premiering/etc…) this weekend. You told me you’re a fan right? Will you be going to the (show/premier/etc…)?

Food, restaurants, cooking

• This chicken is delicious. How is your salmon?
• (at someone’s home): Wow, what an amazing meal. Where did you learn to cook?
• Have you ever tried moussaka? They have it on the menu and it sounds great. I think I might try it.

Personal interests and hobbies

• You have some lovely photographs in your office. Are you a photographer? / Are they your own work? / Did you take them?
• Oh, I see you have a New York Giants keychain! I missed their last game, unfortunately. How did they do?
• So, you’re a graduate of Notre Dame! I watched their football team crush Clemson last night. Their receiver is really amazing.
• I have heard you are quite the musician. Do you perform?
• Our city is very lucky to have you on the revitalization committee. So, what do you do when you’re not saving the world? (humorous)

Professional interests and specializations

• Being a lawyer/pilot/doctor/etc. must be so interesting! 
• I have been reading a lot recently about the changes being implemented by the SEC. Will those policies have a significant effect on your work in finance?
• Did you always want to be a professor/researcher/musician/etc.?
• You were away at a conference last week, right? What was the topic?
• I ran across an article about your volunteer work with Doctors Beyond Borders. You really do amazing work. How did you get involved with that organization?

Background information

• What field are you in?
• What was your major?
• What are your hobbies?
• Have you always been (a doctor/an entrepreneur/an artist)?
• Do you belong to any clubs or organizations?
• Do you like to travel? / Do you travel often?
• Where are you from?
• What are your goals (this year)?
• Do you play sports?
• What do you like to read?
• What kinds of movies/shows do you like?

Sports

• Did you catch the (team name/game name) game last night?
• Can you believe (the Jets/the Giants/team name/Spain/country name/etc…) won last night? I really wasn’t expecting that.
• What’s your favorite (soccer/basketball/etc…) team?
• Who is your favorite player?
• I saw the photo (in your office/on Facebook/etc…) of you and your family skiing. It looked like fun! How long have you been skiing? How often do you go? What’s your favorite skiing spot?
• Oh, I see you have a New York Giants keychain! How are they doing so far this season?

Weather

• Can you believe this (heat/gorgeous weather/snow…)?
• Did you see the weather forecast for next week? It looks like (summer/winter) is almost over.
• Were you here last week during that crazy storm?
• The weather is so nice right now, don’t you think?

Travel

• I heard you just got back from (Ireland/Australia/etc…). I’ve always wanted to visit! Did you have fun? What did you do?
• I am traveling to (a place) next month. I heard you (have been there several times/used to live there). Are there any (landmarks/activities/restaurants/etc…) you recommend?

Local or regional information and “favorites”

• Could you recommend a good place for lunch that’s close to the office?
• I am looking for a good restaurant/tailor/grocery store/etc. nearby. Is there one you recommend?
• Have you been to any of the galleries downtown? Which ones do you like best?
• I went out with some friends last night to that old pool hall you recommended on Coffee Street. It was so cool! Thanks for the recommendation.

Topics to avoid

The general “rule of thumb” for US small talk is that it’s best to avoid certain “landmine” topics – topics that have the potential to create discomfort, awkwardness, sadness/upset, or anger, especially with people we do not know well. These topics include:

• Politics
• Religion
• Personal finances
• Someone’s physical appearance (complimenting clothing choice or an interesting accessory is okay in some cases)
• Death or illness
• Office/social gossip
• Offensive jokes
• Obscure topics that not everyone can relate to (e.g. starting a conversation about highly specialized biotech research with a group of people from the marketing department.)

Body language and behavior tips

• Smile! The power of a smile in American culture and business cannot be overstated. Even if you say the “wrong” thing, or mistakenly say something that could be interpreted as rude or embarrassing, a smile will generally supersede your error and smooth everything over. In fact, researchers hypothesize that the reason Americans smile so much (sorry, we really can’t help it!) is because the nation is so diverse, and smiling is an easy way for us to show people with different cultural background (and who often speak different native languages) that we are friendly, and want to have good relationships with others. It doesn’t have to be a big smile or grin – even a soft smile will do the trick.
  • Related reading: Why Do Americans Smile So Much? – The Atlantic; What your smile says about where you’re from – Science
• Shake Hands* briefly, but firmly, when you meet new people or in formal situations. “Shaking” is not required, although a short and quick up-and-down motion is acceptable. While shaking hands, make eye contact and smile or have a pleasant facial expression. (*Many people have adopted alternatives to the handshake – such as the “elbow bump” a.k.a. “The COVID handshake” – since the pandemic. However the handshake is an important part of American culture and, as of this posting, is generally alive and well.)
  • Related reading: COVID Couldn’t Kill the Handshake
• Give people a lot of personal space. America is considered a non-contact culture, and Americans tend to need a lot of personal space. A good rule of thumb is 1m of space for strangers, and 50-75 cm for close friends. If there are more than enough seats at an event, leave an empty seat between yourself and other people (unless you are close friends).
  • Related reading: Personal Space and American Individualism Brown Political Review); U.S. and American Culture – Personal Space Partners Healthcare
• Quick hugs (~1-2 seconds) are sometimes appropriate with very close, typically same-gender friends when greeting or departing. However, some people really don’t like hugging at all, so wait until you know them well, and see what they do with others.

When in doubt, just watch others around you! Check out how much space they leave between others, what kinds of questions they are asking, etc.

A few takeaways

There’s no one “right way” to make small talk, so don’t worry about saying the “perfect” thing because there isn’t one perfect thing to say. Rather, familiarize yourself with the short list of topics to avoid (above) and the general flow of small talk in a few basic situations.